BPC Monthly Newsletter
Finding Your Way... Through Holiday Emptiness

Tools for Optimizing Emotional & Mental Wellness
December 2005 Issue

In this issue:
Holiday Emptiness
Children of Divorce
A Gift of Relaxation

Welcome...
December, with its many holidays and traditions, has come to symbolize the time of the year when we reconnect with families and friends. December's unspoken promise is one of happiness, connection, and love.

Advertisements of "perfect" holiday moments, nostalgic TV specials, and the enormous preparation that goes into presents, cards, baking, and parties, all set us up for idealized expectations that real life seldom delivers.

Instead, the feelings that we may end up with are those of emptiness, loss, or disconnection. This month we focus on balancing these difficult feelings with those of gratitude and acceptance.

Dorothy Ashma & the staff of Bloomsburg Psychological Center, LLC

Holiday Emptiness

Loss
Whether we have lost someone to death or through disconnection during the past year, the reality of their absence seems larger and often more painful as we remember past moments of happiness.

Grieving can take much longer than we expect it to. It is not a smooth road that get easier with each passing day, but rather a bumpy trail with twist and turns, highs and lows, and has many moods that come and go for no apparent reason.
  • Disbelief -The thought "I can't believe it" keeps showing up, despite the fact that the logical part of our brain clearly knows we have lost someone.
  • Guilt or self-blame - Whether we could have done something better or differently, or not, we find ourselves obsessing with thoughts of "If only I had...".
  • Sadness - Sometimes tears or loneliness can strike when we are least expecting them, even in the midst of laughter.
  • Anger - We may be angry at the person who is no longer with us, at ourselves, or at God.

Gratitude
One of the best ways to reduce the pain of grief is to balance out each thought about loss with one about something we are grateful for.

Gratitude does not have to be about big things. We can be grateful for a sunny day, a warm meal, the ability to take a deep breath, our eyesight, etc. Try getting in the habit of saying at least once an hour, "I am grateful for...". You may be surprised at how quickly you feel a greater lightness in your body and mind. The loss may still be there, but now it is more in balance with what you have.

Try lighting a virtual candle that burns for 48 hours on Gratefulness.org and while you are there, read some of the other messages.

Letting Go of Judgment
As you notice the emptiness or loss you are feeling, locate where it is in your body and just sit with it for a few moments without judging whether it is good or bad to be feeling these emotions.

Then gently bring your awareness back to your breathing, your awareness of the space you are in, or the people you are with. Again, without putting judgements on what you are seeing, hearing or feelings, just notice them with compassion (http://www.bpcenter.com/mindfulness.html)and gratitude.

Children of Divorce

Children of Divorce, a group for children ages 6-11 years, will begin in January, on Monday nights from 5-6:30 PM. Ronda Barto, LSW, will guide children through activities, discussions, and writing in a workbook that each child will take with them at the end of the six weeks. Call 570-387-1832 for details.
A Gift of Relaxation

Finding Your Way Back to Calm: Tools and Music for Releasing Physical and Emotional Stress

This CD contains six simple tools for helping you release physical and emotional stress, as well as three beautifully written instrumental tracks of relaxation music. Each tool follows a slightly different path. After you experience each one, you will be able to choose the right tool for each day. Stress card included.

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